10/5/26: my brother is an asshole and I cant wait for him to move out
I know its harsh, and I still love and care for him, but oh my god I really cant stand him. Lately he has been especially annoying; he started dating this girl and I really dont agree with their relationship for many reasons. I dont want to overshare more than I already am, but I think its unhealthy, and he's been arguing with my parents alot more because of the fact. He also impulsively got a puppy a while back, which I have no problem caring for, but its incredibly disheartening to see how much he neglects him. He admitted himself that he bought the dog just because he was sad or whatever, but it seems like ever since admitting such, he's started paying him less and less mind. Its so dissapointing; that puppy deserves so much better. I can only do what i can to care for him, but I have my own responsibilities to stay on top of, and school on top of that, too.
He pisses me off to no end; he's incredibly immature, lazy, and super messy. I can't really do anything about it other than be quiet and clean up whatever mess he leaves behind. Everyone else in the house is kinda really bad at managing stress and anger; so I dont really have any other choice than to be the patient one. I've been told many things throughout my life; that I was mature for my age, that I was so patient and calm, Ive been praised for never asking for things, for always listening, for never talking back, for being so quiet. My mom has jokingly called me her therapist a few times, and I dont really know what to think of it. I think that I value keeping my composure more than my sanity. I just cant wait to move out and live on my own
9/28/26: skating
I went roller skating with my cousins the other day, and I'm so glad that I did!!!!!! I forgot how much fun it was. I was kind of worried that I forgot how to skate or something, since it had been so long since ive actually done so, but I had such a great time. since then, ive been thinking of applying to a more local skating rink that ive seen around, I think it would be cool to work at one. Plus, it would also give me a reason to go more often, and I could probably learn new skills and whatever.
9/23/26: art and dreams
Why do my dreams always come up with such cool concepts?? I keep thinking about this one dream that I had a while ago, where some creature tried to impersonate my bearded dragon. I wrote about it in the dream section already; it had the face of a crustacean with the body of a bearded dragon, and the two front claws of a scorpion. When i think about it, I cant help but think of how much potential it has to be a super cool fantasy animal hybrid or something. like why didnt i think of that??
I tried to implement it into my latest drawing. I tried drawing one of the pretty dolls I tried to keep from another previous dream that I had, and I thought it would be cool to add the scorpion-dragon too, except I added more scorpion features like the barbed tail and two extra legs. Or I tried to, at least. You cant really tell that thats what its supposed to be, It looks kind of incoherent since its unfinished. I gave up halfway through. But I really want to draw it more in the future!!
9/19/26: Music down the street
Ever since Ive moved into my house, ive noticed that my new 'neighborhood' is very quiet. I dont know anyone around here, and I dont know if I want to either. I used to temporarily live in an rv for a while, and while i wont talk about it too much, I'm starting to remember that where I used to live was far from the quiet ive grown accustomed to over here. My cousin and uncle worked in a car shop next door, so I'd hear them blasting music all the time. If it wasnt that, it would be music from whatever party my grandparents were hosting, or their goats saying "bahh". and if it wasnt that either, it would be the insanely loud rv air conditioner. Sometimes, if it wasnt the air conditioner, i'd occasionally hear some gunshots here and there, only at night, but they were always far away so I never really worried too much about that.
I'm not saying that I miss hearing gunshots, but I didnt realize how much quieter it is here until some neighbors down the street started playing some music pretty loud. Its been playing for a few hours now, and I kind of like it. It feels alot nicer out already. I also kind of miss the super loud rv air conditioner, because now Its kind of hard to sleep without some sort of white noise in the background. lol
home
I often feel homesick in the comfort of my own house. or maybe lack thereof. My life feels so unfamiliar now, and it scares me. despite having been moved into my new house, i still feel like im stuck in that temporary transition in between. My room doesnt feel like its mine, even though its the only thing thats mine.
everything feels too temporary
9/13/26: thinking about identity and femininity
Ive been thinking alot about how I present to others. Its not something Ive been really aware about for most of my life, if anything Ive only really thought about how I percieve myself up until several years ago. My mom had noticed some certian things about me that she didnt like; she made it very clear what ideology she wanted me to follow, over and over again, on a very consistent basis. I dont like to think about it too much, but sometimes I think it ruined my life in a way. Its like gender was equivalent to morality to her or something, its just ridiculous.
I stopped questioning those things about myself to save myself the stress, but ignorning it has only ever led me to realize how different I am from my peers. it hurts, because I dont want to be different. I dont want people to notice, and I dont want to stand out. It scares me how much I already do that just by being myself. I'm not very feminine for someone whose supposed to be a girl; I dont wear makeup or cute hairstyles, and I dont wear dresses or skirts or tights or tank tops or whatever. since Ive noticed, Ive tried wearing more form-fitting clothes, as I hadnt before. I dont talk about crushes or guys either, which I feel like demotes me even further. I dont think I even like guys- I think I might be a lesbian, which would be horrible for me if I really am.
Im constantly surrounded by loved ones who criticize queer people often; I feel like a liar under cover. I'm scared that If I dont laugh or say something that I obviously dont agree with, they'll notice my silence and find me suspicious, as I'm already not very feminine compared to the women around me. I hear the way they talk shit about gay family members. Theyre assholes, so maybe they deserve it, but because theyre gay, they automatically represent the entire community. most of them arent even out of the closet. the ones who are, I never see. One was cussed out and degraded in front of everyone, and that was the last I really heard from them.
I often think about what went wrong for me to turn out this way. Maybe it was my relationship with my mother, or the fact that I have no sisters. I just dont understand. I was raised as a girl, with most of my friends being girls. I kind of stopped making guy friends because they always end up falling in love with me, which I never reciprocate. I grew up liking typically girly things, watching shows like lalaloopsy and my little pony, ever after high, and magical girl animes. I still like most of these things, but I feel like I have to look the part.
I'd be happy with myself If I wasnt expected to be a certian way because of the body I was born with. I think if I was born a guy, i'd still be missing out on some things that I still like as a girl. Theres no way to win. I dont hate femininity; I think its really cool, and I understand that it can be a gateway for self-expression for alot of people. I just wish I didnt have to be so restricted to it. I dont really care for being feminine or masculine, I just want to be who I am. but if that isnt strictly feminine, then im fucked lowkirkuenly
tldr: idk what to do. thank you for coming to my ted talk if anyone even actually read allat. ts feels so stupid brah
9/10/26: ponies and thrift shops
I love mlp. I mostly grew up watching g4, but I had also seen some of g3 before that. I wouldnt say that im a superfan or anything, since I know of alot of people who know nearly the entire history of the franchise. I just find comfort in it, and I like the characters and story and whatever. And I think the toys are cute! I had a small collection of ponies when I was little, including all mane 6 brushables. Unfortunately, they were all either donated or lost considering how many times ive had to move houses in my life, so I have almost none of my childhood toys now
this year though, Ive been coming across mlp merch more often than not while thrifting, which has led me to start a very small collection. Im thinking of making a shrine in the future related to mlp on here, and maybe if my collection gets big enough i'll show off some ponies heh
also I love thrift stores!!!!1 I'll always prefer it over regular shopping
9/1/26: I LOVE DRAGONS
Dragons are so cool. I grew up reading wings of fire 24/7 and watching things like how to train your dragon and the dragon prince, Ive always loved them. The last time I read wings of fire was around 8th grade though, And despite being so in love with it throughout my childhood, I dont actually own many of the books. I always read them from the school library, and the few books that I did have got lost after moving houses so much. :((
Ive been thinking of re-reading WoF, because I still love the series and apparently its still ongoing since I last stopped reading. I think I got to book 14? I also read dragonslayer, but I never got to read the legend of darkstalker. Theres also been aloott more comics released too, which I think is crazy. I remember the very first time they released the first one, It felt like forever when they released to 2nd and 3rd ones after that.
Warrior Cats has also gotten comics too, which I was suprised to find out this year. Theres even official merch now, too. Unfortunately Ive been out of the loop because little me ditched warriors for wings of fire Lol.
Ive also heard of a book called 'Dragonology' pretty recently, and now I really want to read it. Its been a long time since ive actually read through an entire chapter book, but I still love reading.
8/30/26: uneasy
I feel weird. I think i'm scared, but idk why. I almost feel like something bad might happen. Things have been slightly different for the past few days; I keep remembering things that I dont want to remember, and I always think about things that I wish I didnt have to think about. I dont think Im happy with my life right now. For the longest time, Ive waited and prayed for change; I want to leave, I want something to be different, but I dont know what. I feel stagnant, and despite evrything being so normal right now, theres this uncanny feeling constantly flatlining in the background of it all. I cant help but notice
I'm starting to think that I really have no idea what kind of change it is that ive been longing for all these years, I dont know if change is even actually possible. Everything happens over and over again, and I know what to expect, but I dont at the same time. Everything is too contradictory against my favor it feels like. I'm scared of the future, because I have no idea whats going to happen. I only feel clueless and powerless against anything that might
8/29/26: volunteer
I love volunteering. Its usually a bit akward the first 15 minutes but I always end up enjoying it. I love community!!!! I love being helpful!!!!
The last time I volunteered, there was alot more physical labor, and I felt like such a gentleman. Today, though, There wasnt really any lifting or moving around tables and chairs, instead we sat around giving away stickers and stuff. I got to look around at other vendor stalls, and came home with lots of free stuff. One lady was giving away free books, and I got like 3 that seemed pretty interesting. One of them had a super tuff dragon on it but when I came back for it, someone got it before me.I am very distraught.
All is well tho because I ended up scoring a mlp comic book!!!!!!!1 I also got like alot of purple stuff from various purple stalls so im really happy about that too.
8/27/26: self conscious
Sharing stuff about myself online (or in general) is so embarrasing sometimes. I feel like such an idiot everytime I talk about anything that I care about. I feel weird; I hate standing out, I hate drawing attention to myself, and I hate being different from other people. But at the same time, I also hate forcing myself to be someone I'm not, too.
I find it hard to be who I am, Its hard to coexist with myself. Would I rather ruin my life for the convenience of the people I love, Or ruin the life of the people I love for my own convenience? Idk man, i'll feel ashamed either way
8/25/26: i want to improve!!
I really want to improve my website. Im starting to feel happier with my layouts, but i hate the way i style them. I'm also going to learn how to add tabs, but to do that I'll have to learn javascript. I know its not hard since there are plenty of tutorials, im just too lazy right now. I have been thinking of learning javascript though, and W3schools has everything1!! Speaking of which, Is it weird that I prefer written tutorials over video tutorials? I HATTTE watching youtube tutorials- not that theyre bad or anything- I just feel like reading is so much faster and easier to understand. Especially when its something kandi related, If it has pictures, its simple enough to understand. But if its a video, the demonstration feels 10x more confusing for some reason? Idk if thats just me, its just something ive noticed
P.S im thinking of adding a dream log here pretty soon!
8/23/26: AAAAAAAAAAADSFGHVJHBKJNLKMDJSAAAAAA
I underestimate the positive effect my hobbies can have on my life. for a while, ive felt so unmotivated, Ive neglected doing the things that i find joy in. Idk why, but for the past few days Ive been overwhelmed with the urge to do, create, and learn everything. I started learning a new song, Ive been drawing, writing, coding, making bracelets (which i havent done in FOREVER), I cleaned and rearranged some things in my room, I started listening to music again, and I even started playing games again. The other day I also found some manganese glass at a local estate sale, so im also realy happy about that too!!
I keep falling into the mindset that hobbies are a waste of time. For some reason, everything I enjoy just feels so insignifigant in the long run. but the more I think about it, everything does. It doesnt matter. I just dont care anymore, Im tired of constantly thinking about everything and anything, i dont want to think about the future anymore, and I dont want to feel guilty for enjoying things either.
also idk if i wrote about it on here yet but a few weeks ago my mom took in some stray kittens in really bad condition, and since then weve been nursing them back to health. Theyre looking so so much better than when they arrived,; Im so proud of them!! I also think theyre turning her into a cat person, because shes taken an interest in training my son, and has even bought him several toys lol.(not that im complaining!!
8/21/26: Counseling
Apparently my family is going to start going to counseling or something. Ive been wishing for this for the longest time, and I'm super glad theyre finally getting help. At the same time, I cant help but feel dissapointed that they waited so long. Its like going to therapy and getting help was the last resort; what about everything horrible that came before that? I just wish they had gotten help sooner, but I'm still really relieved theyre even going at all. I really really want this to turn out for the best, especially if its for my family
8/18/26
I was able to get my hands on a new computer charger. yaye!!! I also turned in my application a few days ago to a local shop, I hope I get hired. It seems pretty chill there, and I think being a cashier wouldnt be so bad. I also need to get more volunteer time soon; I actually really like volunteering. It feels really nice to be a helpful useful human being!!!!
I also got my bearded dragon some dubia roaches a while back. I thought I didnt really like roaches, but these are kind of cute. I feel bad for sacrificing them, but they are pretty nutritious, and I think theyre good for enrichment and exirsize and whatever. so im happy about that!!
8/10/26: mission employment
My super old broken computer charger that ive been taping to my laptop for the past 6 months finally stopped working, and I have no backup charger. I ordered another one months ago but my cousins broke it, so now i havr to buy a new one. the only problem is that I have no money, so now I have to get a job so that I can have money to buy a new charger. I already have my application filled out + some volunteer time, so hopefully i get hired soon. other than that I wont be able to use my laptop until then since i have no other way to charge it. farewell!!!!!!!
8/3/26
I feel horrible. Im exausted, im scared, I just dont feel good. idk why. last night was awful but everythings okay now and the worlds still spinning. Theres a bunch of stuff that I cant stop worrying about, and more than anything I just feel incredibly alone. I keep hoping and waiting to feel better, but im scared i'll always feel this isolated forever
Idk what to do, or if anything can be done, but I still have faith in tomorrow
9:21 pm: Stray doggie
Theres a white stray dog in my backyard. Shes very underweight, I can see her hip bones, and shes dirty too. My parents are trying to find out who her owners are, but Im kindof hoping nobody will say anything so we could keep her instead. Shes really sweet and friendly, I wanna spoil her and feed her until shes healthy again.
10:53pm: My parents are arguing again, this time its one of the bad ones. my moms bringing up some awful shit that happened years ago again, not that Im blaming her. idk if shes drunk but I do remember seeing a bottle or two on the table earlier; I doubt it though. I just hope the rest of my night can stay peacefull and that nothing bad will happen
7/30/26
I love mangoes so much thyer so good and yummy
Also Ive been drawing with oil pastels alot more lately and i love it. I didnt use them for the longest time becuase they were from those typical cheap art sets for kids, and theyre usually kindof dry. but Ever since i started coloring with them ive enoticed that theyre actually very vibrant and they blend rlly nicely, so its very been very fun using them
7/28/26: they call me tha tailgater target heh
why is it that everytime I drive theres always someone two molecules behind me trying to kiss my cars ass?????????? Its really annoying. I can understand from the first time I drove, because Im sure I was probably going under the speedlimit. but this has happened so many times now. Today I know I was going the speed limit, maybe even a little over it. I put my turn signal on early and everything that way they would know I was slowing down, and it was to no avail. But at least ive been getting to drive more lately, I really need to get my practice hours in so I can take my test.
7/27/26: I love art
I cant stop drawing. Ive been animating all night and I started animating again soon after I woke up. Its really boring, so idk why ive been so focused on it lately. i guess Its kind of fun seeing visible progress. Ive also been drawing and coloring alot, I finished a few old drawings and started a new one. Idk if I like it but it was fun shading it and whatever, its already up on my site. Its supposed to be homura, but i dont think it looks like her that much lol
I think im going to start drawing digitally again too, since its been a long time.(animating doesnt count) I like that I get infinite colors when drawing digitally. I also wanna practice playing my guitar again, but I also want to edit my site at the same time. I wish I could do everything all at once!!!!!!!!
7/22/26: why do most animation programs have the ui of an airplane flight deck
I grew up watching cringey animation memes on yt, so its not suprising to me that I ended up using flipaclip for a large portion of my life. Its a very simple program, and I got used to knowing how to animate easily on there. The only problem is that now you have to pay a monthly subscription for premium instead of premium features being a one-time purchase
I thought having a pc would be a good opportunity for better animation software, but most of the programs ive tried are so confusing to figure out :C
I even found a way to get macromedia flash 8, and adobe flash cs6 for free heh (ty reddit and internet archive) but I got so used to using pencil2d for so long that its super confusing (and boring) trying to figure out how 2 use said programs
I'll figure it out eventually, so far flash 8 seems pretty simple to use+ it has tweening, which is something ive never really learned before so Im definitely interested in that!!
also I might add some of my animations to my art page eventually if i feel like it
7/18/26: 7:08 am
I recently came to the epiphany that a good quarter of life has been absolutely wasted
I feel like ive been dead for the past few years
10:49am
Actually i feel fine idk what that was about. lol!!!
7/18/26
Today wasnt so bad; I think yesterday I was being overdramatic about the waterpark. I had fun, albiet exhausted. It feels like I had such a busy summer, I havent really had enough time to tend to my hobbies and whatever. I'm so ready to be left alone!! right now my mom keeps yelling at my brother about something stupid, and its really annoying. I'd think that after all these years of living with eachother among constant conflict, theyd at least find a way to communicate more efficiently, or at least respect eachother a little more. Apparently peace and quiet is too much to ask for lol
also, idk what it is, but my site just feels so off!!!!!! a while ago i thought i had established a pretty decent layout and theme for my site, but the more i look at it, I cant help but feel like it just looks cluttered? or i guess inconvinient on the eyes. Idk, but theres something not sitting right with me. theres just so much I want to do, if only i had the time !!!
7/12/26
I havent tended to my site in a while, which is ironic considering ive been thinking about it alot for these past several days. I have alot of new ideas for more stuff to add, like a page to showcase cool things i found secondhand by thrifting, yard sales, and going to flea markets. I also want to add a minecraft page to show off my world, but I havent really played minecraft alot as of recently. Im definitely going to add a page for free resources aswell!!
Ive just been so busy lately. and Im kind of not satisfied with the way my site is. Idk what, but I feel like my layouts are lacking in so much. Personalization is a weird thing to convey sometimes. Its fun, I'll give it that. I love having the freedom to express myself with basically anything, but i tend to feel more consious when it comes to showcasing whatever it is that I made to strangers.
Thats also very ironic coming from me, because I dont have many followers on here to begin with, and I obviously showcase my art here. I know I dont like drawing attention to myself, but it feels really silly to think that I'd still be shy online, too. Lol
7/4/26: Bruh
My birthday really sucked ass yesterday. I woke up too late, so the plans that were made to go out and explore were quickly called off. I was supposed to walk around a really nice downtown area with my mom and cousin, but it obviously didnt happen. Idk why, but I just felt so shitty that day; I thought getting a full nights rest would have me more energized, but it feels like it did the exact opposite. Ironically, whenever I get only a few hours of sleep, I feel perfectly fine.
eventually my mom made it up to me to get some elote at a local fruiteria. It was pretty good, but then I came home to my little brother hiding in my room with my dog. Apparantly My dad and older brother had gotten into some sort of disagreement and the window ended up being broken. I know theres probably more to the story that was left out, I just feel so bad that my little brother had to be near all that. Maybe its tmi to be sharing stuff like this on the internet, but I just dont care. Im disappointed, and I never really had anyone to confide in about these sort of things.
Everyone ended up arguing for the rest of the day; as if they werent already bickering before that too. I didnt feel like doing anything, so I just went back to bed. Thats probably why my sleep schedule has gone to shit loll. That was how I spent my 17th birthday. It wasnt that bad I guess, It feels really childish of me to expect any sort of celebration at this age anyways. I miss my friends
And happy fourth of july to anyone who celebrates?? Im not very enthusiastic about it, fireworks are terrible.
7/2/26: Night and Birthday
Its currently 5:53 as I am writing this, Ive been up for about 3 hours. Mostly because of my cat; he gets so hyper at night, and Im kind of a light sleeper sometimes. Its always so calm and quiet at night; everything is so dark and peaceful. I live out in the country, so theres alot less light polution. It leaves alot of light left for the moon instead. If I leave my curtains open, the moonlight will shine through my room. Its very bright, but not too bright. a calm bright.
I thought It would be a great time to clean my room and make my bed. The sun is rising now, and my cat is just now starting to calm down lol.
Also, Its going to be my birthday tommorow. Im not too enthusiastic about it, Idk how to feel. I dont want to turn 17; I'll feel too old. And I know I'll feel too incompetent at 17, I really need to get my shit together auigoghsulgb0f!!!!!!!!!!dieufibrgjenjafhbusdsunojkb ldkafk I still dont have a drivers lisence yet, and Its just embarrasing!!!!!!! I feel so bad about it. I wish I didnt have to be so reliant on my parents to achieve this sort of thing, Its the last thing they need, and I guess its the last thing I need too. Im so admant about getting a lisence because I could gain so much independence from it. I coukd go to the grocery store and get more food for my bearded dragon whenever I need to. I could get my cat more litter, or more food probably. I could get myself more clothes, or donate old ones, or maybe even get myself some snacks. And I could just simply get out of the house more often!!
The last place I applied to didnt hire me, I made the mistake of applying for the wrong position I guess. I'm going to apply again, this time for cashier instead. If that doesnt work, Im also going to apply at some starbucks, which Im less willing. It doesnt matter though, as long as I get paid!! I think Ive gotten off topic; I dont really care about turning 17. I just want to be self sufficient enough to feel a little more equal to other people (that rhymes lol!) and with that, I think I'll end this entry here
6/30/26: thrift stores
Ive been having alot of fun lately. My cousins have been visiting alot more often now that its summer; Ive been going out alot more as a result. The other day I went thrifting with my cousin, and it was alot of fun!! One of the stores we visited felt more like an antique shop than a thrift, the owner had a really good eye for things. The first thing I saw upon walking in (aside from the adorable brown tabby cat) was a display case full of uranium glass, which was SO COOl AUGURI#WHJHGDS
I didnt get any, people tend to up the prices once they realize it could be of value, and I wanted to find uranium glassware on my own anyways. (I didnt) Aside from that, they had really cool things there, like dolls. I didnt get any, because I was taught to be kind of suspicous when it comes to haunted things, but they were very pretty. I wouldnt say I care about dolls that much, but I really do love intriquate details.
When it comes to thrifting (or shopping in general) I tend to be kind of picky when it comes to what I buy. I dont like the idea of wasting my money on something that wont last me, so with that being said; Im pretty happy with the things I got!!! I got 2 shirts that I really like, 1 jacket, and a couple of trinkets on the side. It makes me wonder, Is it bad If I like to collect things? I like collecting things that I find weird or silly or interesting, but its really only if I ever happen to come across said thing. What I like about collecting is that each item is deliberately chosen over time, it all holds value to me that I know I wouldnt ever throw away anytime soon.
At the same time, alot of the items dont really hold any function or purpose, so their existence on its own seems to be kind of a waste. But at the same time, its lack of use doesnt justify its inevitable fate of ending up in a landfill. Idk where im going, Its getting late and I have too many things to write about, so I'll end this entry here
6/7/26
Coding + metal = Peak experience; I love metal!!!!!!!! also I saw the backrooms movie not too long ago, it was amazing. I think its one of my favorite movies now
6/1/26
I had a really exausting weekend, but I still had alot of fun despite that. Being a person doesnt always feel so bad. right now Im just feeling very content.
I also might see the backrooms movie soon; despite alot of people shitting on it online, I still have my hopes up. I think its mostly because the popularity of the backrooms has grown alot within the past few years, so it has a wider audience consisting of some people who favor it more as a result of that popularity rather than its actual concept.
Or maybe people just have more rigid expectations for the storyline? Thats something I dont really understand though, since the backrooms has never really had a set narrative or anything, Its had alot of interpretations throughout the years. Idk though, I just wanna watch the movie lmao. plus I love me some psycological horror so I'm looking forward to seeing it !!
5/28/26: a poem
"The Horror"
A child of feather
Pure and endearing
Subjected to weather
Violent and searing
.
A hunger to live
They yearn for sweet consolation
.
Each cry heard too late
Much to my devastation
.
My desire for your repair
Crushed by dispair
My eyes search hopelessly
Longing to find you there
.
I'm not really one to write poems, nor am I good at it, but I thought It wouldnt hurt to put this one here. I enjoy writing stuff like this private; I think literature can be an excellent gateway to self expression. Im hoping to actually get good at it one day, but until then this will probably be the only poem i'll post here. (plus idk how to format them correctly lol))
5/26/26: I love my dragon
I love the bond that I have between my bearded dragon. I know that they arent capable of comprehending complex emotions like love, but I cant really bring myself to care. I enjoy seeing her thrive, and I'm happy that she trusts me as much as she does. Her trusting me despite being unable to love me is something that I'm very grateful for, since trust isnt always something thats guaranteed when it comes to loving someone.
and I just like hanging out with her!! I really want to upgrade her enclosure, because Ive noticed shes been window surfing lately, so something isnt right :(( Ive done what I can to make sure her needs are being met, but I feel like I'm lacking when it comes to her home. ( and thats a really big deal for her!!)
I'm going to get her another hide, since its good for them to have extra. And Ive been thinking of getting her a big fat basking rock, like a reaally big one. I tried to put a brick in there a while ago, and It does get hot, and she does like basking on it, but I feel like she could use something alot better.
I think it would be better to get one that covers the majority of the hot side of the enclosure, so she can bask as much as she needs. (and an extra hide on the hot side of course) plus its also more convenient for her food bowl to be there, too, that way It would decrease the risk of getting sand in her food !!
5/25/26: kittyy
If my cat was ever a human, I just know he would love pinatas. Theyre basically just big cat toys for people
5/24/26
I love my guitar even tho i suck at playing, its so pretty and cool and I like that I can just get up and practice on it whenever i want !!
5/18/26: short life update
I havent updated my site in a little over a week, as ive been putting more time into my other hobbies lately.
Im planning on redoing my art gallery, since I feel that the layout could use some work. + ive been drawing more as of recently, and Ive been meaning to showcase some of my newer stuff.
It will probably still be a while until I actually do that, though. the other day I went to the skatepark, and while it was pretty fun, I did fall on my hands a couple of times. which is like something ur definitely not supposed to do when rollerskating lol.
I didnt get hurt or anything, but my wrists have been feeling pretty sore and kinda tingly. Ive figured that its probably going to last a few days before they start feeling normal again
until then I'll probably continue drawing and doing everything else. Idk if people actually read these, I just felt like putting something new on here since it feels like its been a while since ive been on neocities
5/10/26: Games and life and fun
A long time ago I lost my project sekai account, which In turn caused me to lose all my progress along with it :(
It was my favorite game, but I stopped playing after that because I just didnt feel like catching up all over again. I started playing again today to start over, and I forgot how much fun I had playing!!!!!!!!!!!!
I kinda lost all motivation to play games in general at some point. Like, I know it will be fun, but Ive been really concious of the passing of time lately. it makes it kind of hard to enjoy things how they are in the present, even if its something simple like a game I like.
I still want to find joy in my hobbies. idk why, but I feel like I felt desperate to earn myself a place in the world thats worth remembering. Its hard to find joy in anything when you feel so small compared to reality as a whole. I just dont want to think about it anymore
I'm straying from the point, lol. But what im trying to say is that I want to learn to let myself enjoy life as it is happening in front of me
I dont want my lifes worth to be determined by my contribution as some tool, and I dont want to feel guity for enjoying things that I love simply for the fun of it.
I want to feel happy, and I am. I had a really good day today. Yesterday I learned about a quarter of the song I wanted to play!! Its really hard, but I'm kind of looking forward to challenging myself. It feels good to play again.
I also met up with a friend today; we havent seen eachother in person for a while, but I had so much fun. We made mlp bracelets together, which is another thing that I havent done In a long time either.
Idk where I'm going with this, but I'm just glad that I'm able to actually enjoy things like I used to. Idk how things will be tomorrow or however many days or weeks from now, But i'm happy at this point in time
Also, I think I'll start listening to vocaloid more soon, I forgot that I liked so many songs from that game lol. Its really fun
Broo I forgot how much playing the guitar hurts my fingers yeeoowwchie
5/7/26: GUITAR TABS!!!!!!!!
IM SO HAPPY I JUST FOUND GUITAR TABS FOR A SONG IVE BEEN WANTING TO LEARN FOR SO LONG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAFGHJHBGFVJK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I lowk havent played in a while becuase I havent been very motivated, Mostly becuase im too lazy to take the time to tune my guitar for a song that idek if actually want to play or not :// But ALL IS WELL!!!! Ive been searching for this specific song for forever, The last time I looked for tabs I couldnt find any, but I checked again today and to my suprise I found some on songsterr !!!
The song is "Fail Hill Zone, Act 1" by Monomate, which has been a favorite of mine for a while now!
Now I just need to tune my guitar :,)
5/6/26: Art and stuff
Around last summer I bought myself a new drawing tablet with my birthday money. It took me a while to get into digital art, because its been hard to establish a set artstyle, but since then I've been alot more comfortable using a tablet. Recently, though, its been having some issues concerning the usb-c port
Its not horrible, just really inconvinient at times. Lately I've been having alot of drawing ideas, but I havent had the time(or motivation) to actually follow through with them, Lol.
(I'm going to draw a wizard shredding on the guitar)
5/1/26: Cats and Reptiles
While cats are signifigantly more expressive than bearded dragons, Ive noticed the two do share some similarities. They like climbing anything they can, they like chasing bugs around (exept one just plays with them and the other eats them lol), They like cuddles and being warm, and they also like crawling into tight spaces theyre not allowed in.
On another note, My brother got a ball python recently.(Whose name Is Cookie) I'm not really that knowledgable in snakes, but I do admire them, I think theyre very cute. (Reptiles in general are just very cool because they remind me of dragons lol) Contrary to what most people would assume when thinking about snakes, ball pythons in particular are actually pretty shy. I feel like my mom views Cookies Shyness in a more "stay away from me ew" Kind of way, but I think of it more as a "Who are you, where am i, whats happening," kind of way. Like most reptiles, snakes are solitary animals. They don't even hang around other snakes in the wild, and after being relocated to an entire new environment, it makes sense for her to be scared. It doesnt make her evil.
I'm hoping that she'll adjust soon, reptiles tend to not eat when stressed, and they also get stressed when first being introduced to their new home. (poor babies) I can't wait to get to know her more once she does start to come out of her shell. (or her hide) They have different personalities, much like my Juniper. (who is very sweet) And I also just really like seeing them thrive.
Speaking of which, I really want to get my Juniper some of those circular roaches for her to eat. She really likes hunting, so I think it would be good for enrichment and exirsize and allat. I'm not even a fan of roaches, I think theyre gross, but They become less repulsing when I think of my Juniper :p
4/28/2026: Live laugh love Nintendocore
I loovvee nintendocore!!! I wish it was a more "mainstream" genre, so I could find more guitar tabs for it!1 Yesterday I found tabs for a song by Dinotrax, which is a band that I really like. The community around it is kind of small, but its still really nice to see a handful of comments on random old youtube videos and whatnot.
The genre itself can be very diverse I think. I like listening to metal, which is implemented alot in nintendocore, but its also really nice to listen to the instrumentals.(which usually dont have any metal) I find alot of them to be kind of calming and fun. I think its really funny that the genre has two very different sides of the same coin.
ive also noticed that its been having some sort of revival lately. Most early Nintendocore bands started in the late 2000s. Theres been alot of other bands that picked up the genre in the 2010s, but recently ive been seeing alot of newer bands from this decade, which I think is really cool!
One thing that alot of older bands did was reference nintendo aloott, which makes sense, since its in the name. The main reason why the genre was even named that was because people combined nintendo-inspired chiptune melodies with metal, and apparantly most bands used actual modified consoles for it!! which is like super cool
The thing is, newer bands dont really reference nintendo as much as the older bands. Earlier artists would reference games like Super mario, Pokemon, stuff like that. Alot of newer bands just reference their favorite games in general, alot of wich arent even nintendo. Eatthefuckingsnow, for example, is a band that reference Undertale alot. They also released a new single lately as of 2026, which is really good!!
Message from my cat:
"-++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++-*++***** -9-=p00000000000000000000000000000000000?Q[]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]=======----------------------++++++++++++++++++++ ]+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++"
-sammy
4/27/26: unemploye
I turned in a job application the other day to a local supply shop. I'm kind of nervous, but I do hope I get the job. Initially I wanted to start working at 14 or 15, but I wasn't able to since I had started moving houses then. (which took forever)
I'm 16 now, and I feel kind of dissapointed in myself for not having a job. I know its not that serious, since I'm still young, its normal for most people to get a job when theyre 16 anyways.
I know I'm probably overthinking it, but I just I feel kind of incompetent without one. I dont like being dependent on other people, I want to prove to myself that I can be responsible on my own!!
And also because I want to afford my hobbies and whatnot. Money makes the world go round, which sucks, and I think its entirely stupid. I know people say money can't buy happiness, which I guess can be true for some cases. But it feels almost foolish to narrow it down like that, when its been turned into something thats so essential to cover basic human needs.
When I do start earning some money, I'll probably buy stuff for my bearded dragon. I like seeing her happy. I would also really like to go thrifting more often, because I think thrift stores are amazing. Its nice for getting affordable clothes and all, but I never hear people talk about the cool trinkets they have there !! Which is even better
4/26/26: Nintendo Ds skinning
I've been so locked in when it comes to adding images in html that when I zoned out before adding a divider(its like 3 am ok_) My muscle memory kicked in and added it for me before I could finish blinking??
Anyways, Ive been watching people reshell their nintendo ds, and Ive been wanting to try it. I would really like to switch out my ds shell for one of those clear ones, so you can see everything inside!!
My only concerns: Ive never reshelled any handheld ever in my life, and reshelling seems to be alot more popular/accsesible when it comes to the dslite, which is cool n all.
Unfortunately for me I have a dsi, which I still love, but theres less cool colors when it comes to clear shells. And its just alot more inconvinient finding reshells becuase most results just show up for the dslite (bc its so goated lmao)
Its probably for the better ig? Since I have no expirience when it comes to that stuff. But I still want to try!! It seems tedious, which I dont mind. I feel like its one of those things where the end result is worth the time it takes and whatnot
ALso my kitten is cuddling as I write this
Lol
4/22/26
I almost forgot how cool the nintedo ds was. I got really obssesed with them in 7th grade for whatever reason, and im realizing that my interest in the nintendo ds is still very there lol.
Mostly via ds modding and customization, I modded my own dsi a while ago, and its been great. I think once I get a job I'll probably get myself a 3ds and an sd card for it too, since they have the most versatility when it comes to modding them.
I'll probably include a page for resources like Dsi Guide, and places I got my games and themes from !!
4/1/26 (again lol)
another thing kindof related to this site, ive been getting really into nintendocore lately!!! Its like a subgenre that takes Metalcore/metal/hardcore and adds chiptune to it, and it sounds super cool to me.
Some of the instrumentals ive added around my site are from some nintendocore related/similar bands!!
I definitely wanna talk about it more on here, Ive been planning to add a page about my music taste on here a little while after I first added my about me page.
at the moment, my favorite band is Dinotrax, so if youre already open to listening 2 metal and anything similar, I reccomend checking them out!! :PP
4/1/26: Searching for a world that doesnt exist
Why is time moving so quickly!!!!!????????
I didnt realize it was already april lol. anyways, GO WATCH DESTROYINGA WORLD THAT DOESNT EXIST ON YT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Only if youve seen the first video though!!(sfawdte) Im not going 2 talk abt any spoilers on here aside from the fact that it was peak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I meant to post this like right after it came out but its only been like 2 days so it doesnt rlly matter lol
3/8/26: AUUGHGHGSJHAJAKGK
A while ago my phone broke, and since then I had to get a new phone.
During the process I ended up losing my Project Sekai Account, which sucks so bad because It was one of my most favorite games. Since then Ive been trying to get it back, Because I made SO MUCH progress on there..
Like I have so many 4 star cards, and I had a full combo on Brain Fluid Explosion Girl, which was really hard!!!!!! I'm mostly concerned about my cards though, and also for the fact that if I dont get my account back its going to be really annoying trying to catch up on all of the stories I read all over again, INcluding the ones I havent been able to read.
Overall I'm just mourning my account and Im hoping and praying to God that I WILL get it back!!!!!!!!! I submitted like 2 forms but idk if the first one submitted properly?? Honestly I have very little faith that my god given glorious account will ever return to me but i will hope..
3/7/26: kitty
I got a kitten recently and for whatever reason he thinks its so funny to launch himself at my feet full force :/
Thats kindof it idrk what else to add, I just felt like adding something here
I still love him tho hes very cute. He also looks alot like dayan the cat, I think.
2/23/26
As of recently ive been getting alot more into html. When I first started getting back into learning, I felt kindof indifferent abt taking the time to learn it bc I had no idea what I was doing, lol.
I still dont, but I feel like i'm starting to get the hang of it.
A few days ago I started getting really motivated about adding more things 2 my website, which i'm still exited about!!
I intend on adding a page for my bearded dragon so I can showcase cute pictures of her, a page where I can share my music taste, a bunch of shrines for some of my favorite interests, and I also plan on rennovating my 'about me' page since I feel like it could be alot cooler :D
2/13/26: Life.. is Roblox..
Making friends on roblox is so fun. I think its so funny that all it takes is a reciprocated "/e dance" while hiding from durr as he walks right past you. its all just so unserious, lol
2/10/26
I love when people give nice comments abt my art, it makes me so feel so jolly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like earlier I was going through magma, which I primarily use to draw. A few weeks ago I posted some of my art on there after finding out you could even do that, and since then I havent checked on it up until now.
I didnt expect to see anything, and I saw that someone had commented something along the lines of "Your art it so peak" And I genuinely started giggling and kicking my feet LMAO.
So now im probably going to start publishing my art on there more often :>>> ( If i dont forget that is)
2/7/26
Idrk if this counts as a mini blog, I thought it would be cool to put here, since ive seen people have blogs on their websites. At the same time, im not really one to blog so idek. Theres a chance I might repurpose this area in the future in case I find anything cooler to put here lol
main
My art
about me
Ds Resources
Graphix
Shrines
Blog 
Pets
